
- Your baby’s first word is “latte.”
- You heat your baby’s bottle with the steam wand from your espresso machine.
- You know how much a hill of beans costs, where they were grown, and how long it would take to roast them.
- You know more about the pedigree of your beans than your dog.
- You only have 17 payments left on the new espresso machine.
- Breakfast in bed is merely a perfect cup of coffee.
- Your coffeemaker has more buttons than your TV remote.
- Your ringtone sounds like a coffee grinder.
- You are served by a “bikini barista” and never notice.
- Your friends start using words like nutty, fruity, and well-rounded in everyday conversation.
- A 103° fever is not an emergency, but running out of coffee is!
- Your head starts to throb when the blood in your caffeine stream gets too high.
- You own more than 2 French presses and at least one book on latte art.
- You’ve ever had coffee bean chaff in your eye.
- Your cats are named cream and sugar.
- Your green coffee stash takes up more room in the pantry than food.
- You know the difference between a cafe macchiato and a latte macchiato.
- You’ve ever slurped a cappuccino.
- You have more than five coffee-making appliances and two grinders.
- You have a dedicated coffee area in your kitchen or a dedicated roasting area in your garage.
- You think 6 degrees of separation is the difference between perfection and barely drinkable pond water.
- You look to see the grinder and espresso machine’s make and model before ordering your cappuccino.
- You send your barista a Christmas card.
- You say goodnight to your espresso machine.
- You think that having a spouse that prefers tea is “grounds” for divorce.
- You consider stopping at a chain coffeehouse as a last resort.
- Bellying up to the bar involves cream and sugar.
- You, as a latte artist, consider opening a gallery.
- You order a latte just to critique the artwork in the foam.
- You consider traveling to remote, dangerous locations to visit coffee plantations ABSOLUTELY worth it!
- Your first aid kit has no thermometer, but your kitchen drawer has several (even with the little clips to hold them in the steaming pitcher).
- You think tea people are worse than cat people.
- Your bomb shelter/end-of-the-world provisions include at least 50 lbs. of the various precious beans that make life worth living.
- You have at least one computer program or spreadsheet dedicated to tracking coffee purchases.
- Your coffeemaker costs more than your new TV.
- Your clothes come from Wal-Mart but your espresso machine comes from Italy.
- You find yourself nodding in agreement as you read these.
- You have more than 3 coffee shops saved as waypoints in your GPS.
Coffee GPS
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